I fell in love on the internet last week. It was sudden and fast and left me breathless. I was only window shopping really, scrolling through countless mundane pictures, waiting for one to grab my attention when suddenly – a vision of beauty appeared on my screen. Dark, mysterious, with just enough personality to distinguish from the rest. My heart was stolen.
I slipped out my credit card from its well worn purse pocket, and proceeded to enter my details. I couldn’t wait to rip that package open.
This morning, I awoke to the sound of my porch door sliding closed with a heavy thud. Giddy with glee, I leaped from the bed and scurried downstairs, wishing someone had turned the heat on as my toes hit the cold wooden floor. I rushed to open the front door and there it was. My beautiful dress all wrapped up in crinkled brown paper, and only missing the string for that element of perfection.
I tore into the package, removing layer after layer of paper and sellotape to finally reveal the bundle of joy within. Finally, at this crucial last step, I removed the soft fabric from its surrounding tissue paper and laid it out on the table before me. It was as the picture described, a black floaty babydoll dress with intricate flowers sewn onto the bosom. Heaven. But wait… it looked somewhat shorter in real life. And wait… was it that wide on the model in the picture? She certainly didn’t look with child wearing it, but I had an annoying hunch that I would. Only one thing for it – up to the bedroom I go.
It’s worse than I thought. I don’t just look like I’m pregnant with child – I look like I’m pregnant with four of them. And I also look like I’m working to pay the rent for these babies, if you know what I mean. I’m sorry beautiful dress, it’s back to the internet with you.
Oh internet shopping, why must I fall for you everytime?