Smiling with my eyes
No matter how many times I try, I can never master the smiling-with-your-eyes trick that the lovely miss Tyra Banks of ANTM (best.show.EVAR) has made so very famous. I’ve probably watched every episode of ANTM at least twice, but still I cannot get it down. I either look like I’m vaguely squinting at something in the far off distance or else I’m actually smiling. With my mouth.
Luckily for me, Miss Tyra has given a few tips that I will go home and practice in front of the mirror tonight. (Drunk).
The Flirting-With-a-Man Smile: “Turn your shoulder to your man, move your face down, and use a sound effect, a little hmmmmmmmmm.”
The Surprise Smile: “We’re not smiling like the surprise is real — it’s not ‘OMG, are you serious?'” It’s a hand to the cheek, and a gasp. Remember, the surprise isn’t like, swine flu or an unexpected breakup; it’s more of a “I forgot my contacts at home!”
The Catalogue Smile: “Put the left foot forward, and turn your head ahead as if there’s wind whipping you that way, and smile with your hand on your head and parted teeth. So walk forward with your hand on your right cheek, and step with your left foot, so your booty sticks out.”
The Angry Smile: Save this one for “bitches.” You move a hand to your hip, look forward, “dip that booty to the right,” and let your face say “Okay, okay, okay, uh-huh.”
The Smile With the Eyes ©: “This is crucial… It’s on magazine covers, it sells perfume, it sells shoes.” Tyra recommends pulling your shoulders down, facing forward, pretending there’s a string pulling your head up and that a dentist shot you in the mouth with Novocain. She said it’s “almost like you’re in Star Trek.”
Right ya are so!
Why the f*ck do you have a kid?
Because everyone needs an excuse to get out of gym class:
Via my new favourite bloggy: Why the f*ck do you have a kid?
It’s mean, pretty tasteless, sometimes NSFW, but it makes me laugh and that is all that matters…. right?
Can’t get it out of my head
It’s probably to do with my burgeoning Allison Iraheta obsession (17 year old currently rocking it out on American Idol) but lately, I cannot get this song out of my head:
Heart – Alone
I think it may have to be my new karaoke song. Sorry people.
EDIT: This happens to me EVERYTIME. Why do my videos always disappear as soon as I post them? Le sigh. Anyways, it *should* be up there now.
The post title is nowt to do with twitter, but a treat of the rather more edible and delicious kind.
I give you – The Chocomatic Chocolate Clock:
This delightfully pink apparatus pops out a chocolate treat, on the hour, every hour. Nyom.
But you’ve got to be quick though; if you haven’t nabbed the sweet in 30 seconds (AND WHY WOULDN’T YOU??) it’ll take it back in for the next hour. And it would serve you right. However, luckily enough, there is a cheat button though to get an instant treat, just in case you were busy when the chocolate came out. As if.
What more could you need on this dark December day in April?
Love her, love her please
I’m not usually a massive American Idol fan. I’ve always found the young hopeful’s quests for stardom a bit too desperate sometimes and it lacks the humour of X Factor (apparent from the required ‘whacky’ auditionees at the beginning of every season – they’re even more ‘whacky’ in the States o’course).
But this year, I’ve been kind of following it through the repeats on TV3 on lazy Saturdays and one lucky afternoon, I flicked on to this girl:
She’s sixteen years of age. Six.Teen. Her voice is pure gorgeous and as the classic line goes, she could sing the phonebook. I think, bar Leona Lewis maybe, she’s the only ever person I’ve seen on a reality programme like this, that I’ve actually wanted to buy their album. I want her album now. Right now.
Simon, mind that girl please, she’s a talented ‘un!
EDIT: YouTube and WordPress are not my friends 😦 I posted this ages ago, sauntered off happily and the video never published. Boourns. Fingers crossed it’s up now!
That Ratan Tata sounds like such a lovely fellow…
Says the charming Mr Tata on the long waiting list for his new £1,300 Nana car:
”You wouldn’t want to make someone wait to long for his car since a car is like a pretty woman. If you wait too long she will become old and perhaps fat.”
I was going to say ‘God love his wife’ but then I thought, sure the poor chap mightn’t have one. And so off to the ever trustworthy Wikipedia I go to see if there is a lucky Mrs Tata.
Mr Ratan Tata has a metalic blue Maserati. He sometimes likes to fly his private jet himself.
So I guess he really does compare cars to wimmins. Sure we’re only accessories after all. Expensive accessories obviously but accessories all the same. Pfffffffft.