AnneElicious


An oldie but a goodie
January 10, 2008, 2:18 pm
Filed under: funny | Tags: , , ,

Got this in an email today. It’s ancient but still very very funny

Peter Kay One Liners

1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said ‘Thyroid problem?’
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.
4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder.
5) I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me’, and it worked! >From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
8 ) My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) S*x is like playing bridge: If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’
11) If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
13) You know that look women get when they want s*x? No, me neither
14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don’t understand, such as working for a living.
15) I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
16) Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before

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